“Hello Essay”

The writing assignment:

Write a brief (500 words or so) essay answering this question:

Who are you and what are you doing here?

Advice:

Please notice several things about this assignment:

• Don’t bother to Google the answer unless you are a famous person with a terrible memory.
• ChatGPT probably doesn’t know the answer either. (Do you really think that the Microsoft Azure Data Center in San Antonio, Texas, knows enough about you to answer that question better than you can answer it yourself?)
• The question has two pieces, and I was intentionally vague and fuzzy about both of them. “What are you doing here?” could mean (among other things) “Why are you at Ashland University?” “Why did you come to the USA?” or even the very philosophical “What do you think is your purpose as a human being?” Same story with the “Who are you?” part.
• This is really a first lesson in English Composition: pretty much everything you ever write is an answer to a question. When a teacher (or boss) gives you an assignment question, your best strategy is to provide a clear answer.

Mechanical details:

• The final product will be typed and double-spaced according to MLA format.
• The essay will be at least 500 words long. (That’s a bit less than two pages in standard format.)
• If the paper does not meet the minimum length requirement, it will be penalized. If you can’t think up enough material for 2 pages, ask for help! Go to the Writing Center! Ask the instructor for advice!
• The final copy of the paper will be submitted through the Blackboard drop box. You will find the drop box in the “Course Essentials” folder inside the “Course Essentials and Help” module at the top of our Blackboard page.

Due date:

Friday, September 11, 2026

Grading:

This paper will be graded more informally than the papers you will write later. The paper is worth a maximum of 25 points, and will be graded this way:

• Check plus = 25 points. Really nice, thoughtful, and polished without too many grammar or spelling errors. This paper actually says something.
• Check = 21 points. Perfectly acceptable college freshman work. It might wander off the topic or have more grammar and/or proofreading problems, but it’s OK.
• Check minus = 17 points. Something went wrong here. It may be nowhere near the assigned length or it may have a lot of spelling and/or grammar errors. It may miss the point of the assignment and wander off into educational theory rather than a personal reflection. If it tried to sound like street corner jive talk or a Nobel Prize acceptance speech, that’s also a check minus. This is a college freshman paper written for university students and their instructor.